I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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