I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
