think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
