My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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