Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
