I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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