my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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