She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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