In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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