I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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