I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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