we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
false alarm, still single
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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