His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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