I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Randomize
