I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
