yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
