So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
