I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
