I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
