Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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