i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
