i don't like sucking hair
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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