I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
