If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
