u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
