I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
