i don't like sucking hair
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
