One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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