I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
