I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
