I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just invented taco cereal.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
