I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
