i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
