morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
