Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
