That's when you crack a 10am beer
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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