I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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