I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
