yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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