before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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