he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I love having hate sex.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have grass duct taped all over my body
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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