you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
