Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
