Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
