yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
