my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
