capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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