This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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