The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he thought i was a dude.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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