Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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