i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
