I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
