Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
