I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
