I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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