dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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