omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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