even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
