You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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